Obama isn’t our first gay president due to his personal opinion on gay marriage. This shit drives me nuts.
What the hell is that noise?
Some days, I just lose it. That was yesterday. Cried twice before 9:00am. Then got mad that I was crying over choices I get to make. It is easy to get overwhelmed, to grab everything you could think about and then attempt to actually think about All The Things At The Same Time! Fought with my sweetheart, thought about leaving this state, tried to imagine starting over again like I used to do on an annual basis.
So today, I rode my bike to work. Took the same amount of time to get to town as it does on the bus. I feel good. I feel great. I remember good things.
And then I read something like this and realize that I need a little bit of focus to get to where I need to go. Or to know where I need to go. (side note, I love Martha Beck with the heat of a thousand burning suns, but I wasn’t that into her newest book….except all her new advice, based on this book, gets right to me. so what do i know?)
Where do you need to go?
The Big C
Temping has been an excellent exercise for me in revisiting how I see or define myself. For the most part, I have not been interested in getting married, having babies, updating my shoe collection, or other such perfectly fine things. While these things are not for me, or rather they don’t hold my attention, I have enjoyed watching my friends get what they want in regards to a family structure (or shoe collection). Meanwhile, I spent the past, say, 12 years yearning for a Career. Big C. A Very Serious And Important Career That I Will Do Until The Day I Die. It was one thing I wanted and I was pretty pleased to not feel too many other conflicting quests.
With all the focus I could muster, I followed that dream of a Big C, something meaningful to me, something I could hang my hat on and say “That’s me. This is what I do.”. But nothing seemed to fit. I didn’t see a position I wanted to move into or strive for, I found myself labeled as an idealist, and I realized that there were more assholes around than I had expected. So I put my head down and worked.
Last year I happily, thoughtfully, and With A Plan quit my job! I always have a plan, I love having a plan. Plan = Action, for me at least. Anyways, I jumped into the world of Following Your Bliss, and floundered around a bit. I hear that’s what happens. I thought I would struggle and then, hurray!, see the light! I tried a few approaches that I won’t go into detail here, but for one reason or another, things did not work out as I had Planned. And that’s when I lost energy, well, more than that, I found myself wondering why the hell I was so interested in pursuing my passion. I found myself retreating back to wanting a career, any old career.
And then the temping started. It gave me some perspective along with a paycheck. It reminded me how far a little professionalism goes, how coming to work on time is more important that I think we give it credit for, and how not to treat anyone “below” you. Temping has also reminded me that this is just life, after all. Wanting The Big C is a legitimate desire, but it is not wholly fulfilling for me. And, just like some ideal partner we have in our head, it doesn’t quite exist in reality.
The Temp Sees It All
I’m currently temping as my employment and I can’t decide whether it is exactly what I need, or a giant weight slowing me down. For today, it’s fine, but I am once again wondering what exactly I am supposed to be doing with myself.
Yesterday a few people lost their jobs, presumably some of them will end up temping like myself, and I was reminded of several things I’ve learned through my work in the past year.
- All of life is transitory. Basically that says it all. I am coming to terms with understanding that no amount of planning, education, savings, or use of what I consider common sense can offer protection. You are still out here with the rest of us. Despite a lot of hard work and careful planning, I am doing a job that I did 15 years ago for less pay. It’s not the end of the world, but it’s good to keep moving.
- Money matters. As though we didn’t know it already. Salaries are a game, we pay someone hundreds of thousands of dollars to go to a bunch of meetings, and pay someone else minimum wage to break their backs. I find little correlation between the level of skill and difficulty a job requires and how much pay is offered. We all use money, it is not something to be feared or glorified.
- Use your manners. Especially when talking to the receptionist. I’m amazed at how many of us interrupt, forget to say “please” and “thank you” when in a professional setting. I think you get a lot of information on someone through a few phone exchanges, and the receptionist really can be an amazing resource if you are polite.
- Use your filter! Through temping I have worked at many different types of offices and companies, seeing a variety of people at work, and I can’t get over some serious unprofessional behavior. I don’t think there is anything wrong with using your internal filter before you share the details of the previous night’s date.
Overall, temping has been very good to me. I need the money, I generally work with fantastic people, and I get exposure to companies I might never have heard of if I had kept my old job. I have always placed an incredibly high value on the type of work I do, the type of organization I work for, and working your way up the ladder. Temping has helped give me a new perspective, generally one of humor (some of the shit I have seen, people!!), and reminding me that you can do good work in many different ways.
[as a side note...a friend suggested I blog about my adventures in temping. would anyone be interested in reading this?]
Friends, Life Continues, Thankfully
*is this thing on? hullo?*
I have to laugh at my last post, way back in 2008, serendipitously discovering that I “was a Bert”. A few months after that posting I met a very sweet Vermonter and stopped blogging altogether. The past 3 years have resulted in several moves (three places so far), cohabiting with two shining examples of the human race, gaining a lovely four legged canine, buying a condo, hiking up some mountains, visiting the ocean, quitting a job, gaining a job, temping, and figuring out what exactly it is I do around here.
I certainly still knit, but I find that the intensity has waned. I also find that the interest in buying yarn turns out to be in the same category as “just shopping”, resulting in some destashing along the way. Physical activity trumps knitting, and all time outside trumps indoor activities, so I find myself searching for projects that work well on the bus and in the car. Perhaps I’m just in the Spring mode and I will want to curl up by my non-existent wood stove and knit, but for now I’m focused on other things.
I want to blog again, but I doubt it will be about knitting. That said, it’s kind of nice to be back.
xo
